The Asshole Index

A DIFFERENT kind of AI

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  • Judgemental *

    Before I go any further, I must address the “elephant in the room” that stands as a central paradox to this exercise: determining if a person or their actions contains any element of assholery appears to be judgmental. And that, on its face, at least appears to be at least kind of asshole-ish.

    After all, a certain renowned moral philosopher has been quoted as saying “Judge not lest you be judged”. Seems pretty clear, right?

    However, that same entity ALSO labelled certain individuals—quite justifiably, IMHO—as “hypocrites”. THAT smells at least a LITTLE “judge-y” to me (but still, on point!).

    It also hints that determining “asshole” or “not an asshole” is neither so clear nor as binary as we’d like to think.

    So, what to do? To me, it makes some sense to apply the same rules I use about what situation it’s OK (if ever) to use certain words that some people could consider inappropriate and/or offensive: context and intent.

    My intent for this blog is NOT to arrogantly stand in judgement to wield some arrogant sense of moral superiority over others—perhaps to mask my own insecurities (that, to me, is one definition of a bully. And, for all my shortcomings and personal traits, I don’t think THAT label applies to me. You may feel free to disagree). 

    It is, instead, to navigate sometimes complex and murky ethical waters that have become perhaps even more turbulent because of technology and rapidly changing social mores. And for me, writing is often a way to figure out what, how, and why I’m thinking. I think many people genuinely obsess about “How to Be Good” (a Nick Hornsby book that, although a work of fiction, like all good literature, contains elements of “truth” with a capital “T”).

    Intent can be either obvious or elusive. Let’s do “obvious” first. I once was driving behind a jacked-up truck with a massive secondary smokestack; the dude was “rolling coal”. The truck wore a bumper sticker that read “Prius Repellant”. At every stop sign, thick black smoke would pour out of the metal chimney and cloud the road. 

    The guy wasn’t just intentionally performing an action meant to bother someone, he was actively enjoying it and broadcasting his intent. He was acting like an asshole and was PROUD of it.

    As far as context, MAYBE the situation would have been a little harder to “read” if the truck ONLY possessed the chimney, and it rarely, if ever, emitted smoke. But the bumper sticker pretty much destroyed any sense of ambiguity.

    After all, why would or should he care if someone drove a Prius, an EV, an electric scooter? The only possible justification would be if a driver of one of those vehicles loudly or obviously displayed a sense of moral superiority (stay tuned for an installment on “Woke *”). But, IMO, just OWNING one of those types of conveyance, on its own, doesn’t send that message.

    Now, let’s take a situation where judgement is not just unnecessary and inappropriate, but full-on wrong. You decide to attend a worship service venerating, say The Flying Spaghetti Monster. You watch the Pastafarians going through their complex-noodle-related rituals. You determine that they are either insincere (they aren’t taking their macaroni seriously), conducting them incorrectly (they are SUPPOSED to be using fettucine, NOT angel hair), or are just plain pointless (why pasta?).

    First, you can’t possibly know each participant’s intent. Second, it shouldn’t matter; none of their words or actions have any bearing on you. Finally, this is THEIR space. You are a visitor (or, worse still, a “tourist”).

    Second, the context is pretty clear. This is THEIR space. You are intruding on it. If you do so primarily for the purpose of passing judgement on them, YOU are the asshole.

    Which brings me back to the popularity of the AITAH “Subreddit”. I don’t KNOW if each reader follows that thread to feel morally superior, or if they are reading it to navigate treacherous ethical waters—to be what a philosopher would call “a good moral actor”.

    Since we have no way of knowing, and we are all in the same boat, the LEAST asshole-y thing to do is to give them the benefit of a doubt. I’d hope they’d do the same for me.

  • Welcome to a new form of AI

    We’ve been inundated with AI–with the abbreviation standing in, of course, for “artificial intelligence”. Perhaps it’s time to consider a DIFFERENT kind of AI–the “Asshole Index”. 

    Assholes are at least as pervasive–and potentially harmful–in our society as artificial intelligence. An “index” can provide a systematic way to spot and assess their threat. 

    But first, some history of the nomenclature. “Team America: World Police” raised the concept of “dicks, pussies, and assholes” and suggested there might be ways of differentiating the three. The movie’s speech hinted that each term suggests specific roles. But it didn’t appear to qualify what makes one say, more of a dick than an asshole. How do they differ? It was an intriguing beginning, but a bit unclear.

    More recently, the “Am I the Asshole” subReddit’s popularity indicates there is a demand for a more systematic approach. I suspect the reason is a desire for a logical ethical framework in a world where “rules” about social interactions–especially, but not only online–seem muddy.

    To me, one way to assess assholery comes down to intent.

    If someone is cheerfully oblivious of the outcomes of their words or actions, that seems less damning than if they were trying to hurt someone. Let’s label that kind of person a shithead, in honor of the dog in “The Jerk”. Steve Martin’s canine companion in that movie wasn’t TRYING to raise a false alarm about a fire; his barking was simply construed that way. But it still caused distress. Therefore, the “shithead” moniker Navin Johnson gave the dog was justified. 

    The next level involves a moral actor simply not caring about whether their actions affects others. Any such action would qualify as a “dick move” and the perpetrator of said action could be confidently labeled a dick. Someone CONSISTENTLY engaged in such moves could accurately be labeled a sociopath.

    The final category embodies words or actions intended to harm. Someone who intentionally hurts someone, gets some pleasure out of it and has no moral qualms about that harm could be safely labeled an asshole. 

    We’ll next explore the spectrum of assholery–including words or behaviors that go off the deep end–”Beyond Asshole”. 

    Then we’ll categorize specific subtypes of assholes–perhaps starting with the “Judgemental Asshole” (We are aware of the irony that categorizing anyone as any type of asshole is, itself, a judgmental act. But we are also aware of the need to protect ourselves, so that we are neither a helpless nor hapless asshole.